To me in general, sneaking around and looking through your sweetie’s phone is a bad idea. It’s way too easy to take a text message the wrong way, and to read something into a message that actually doesn’t mean anything at all. Not only will it make you feel more paranoid, but if you don’t find anything, I can bet you’ll end up feeling damn guilty about snooping in the first place.
If you really believe that your sweetie is cheating, you need to ask them about it. And if your sweetie goes through your phone without asking? You have every right to be upset. That’s invading your privacy, and everyone (even someone in a relationship) has the right to have a little privacy!
We all need our privacy, and control in a relationship is unhealthy. The more you demand to know what your sweetie is doing, the more you'll push him away, trust me!. If you're doubting him, going behind his back isn't the grown-up way to confront your fears.
Girls, here are the reasons this is absolutely A huge NO NO behavior and the risks associated with it.
1. You are rationalizing poor behavior - Most women rationalize this behavior based on some level of seriousness they have assigned to the relationship. But this is completely dumb!. There is no “level of relationship seriousness” that converts behavior from unethical to ethical. “We’ve been dating 4 months!” We moved in together!” “He told me he loves me!” Starting to get the picture on how ridiculous this sounds? Get yourself out of this cycle.
2. You open yourself up to suspicion of identity theft - When you have access to your sweetie's phone, you have access not only to all of his communications such as emails, texts, and phone calls but also all of his private information including financial, banking, and credit records, medical information, confidential work information, friends and family issues, private journals, password lists, etc, etc. If he learns you have breached his device, he has no reason to believe you didn’t breach all of this information. He is perfectly justified your worth, your class and you just burn his trust! that's right! burned!
3. You have betrayed his trust beyond measure - Most men believe this is an absolute violation of their privacy and trust. And they’re right! He would be naïve to trust you again on any level. Some men may forget about it pretty quick but in the eyes of more thoughtful men, you are a giant notch lower on the quality scale.
3. You have disrespect him big time - Trust and Respect is the most basic and fundamental of all successful Relationships. Using the perfect tool I call "Communication & Body Touch" as often as both can (some efforts of course! there's no such "too busy" for your love ones..period!). Snooping into his phone/social media, answer his phone or call people in his contact without his permission, reply to his messages or even better send pictures on his behalf without him knowing..(God forbid girl! slap yourself or I'll do it for you!)..is a complete low class immature behavior, lack of respect to your sweetie and clearly showing insecurity of yourself and lack of self confidence. You're showing the world that you're not worth to keep! and once you did all those above, you just put permanent doubt in him to go no further in relationship!
So girls, get your information another way. Rifling through your man’s cell phone is the easy, low-class way. Don’t let anyone tell you it is acceptable. If you absolutely believe he is cheating on you then either he is or you are paranoid. Talk it over in a cool head and mature way. If he admit he cheat...you pack and disappeared...run!! he doesn't love you and don't deserve you!
I am not going to comment here on how this issue relates to married couples. The game is different after a couple is married. There are legal and other issues that enter into the picture. My personal opinion, once you're bond into married, there should NOT be any privacy so much. I'll be more than happy to share every little details of my life to him, included full access to my phone and openness on my bank accounts. In return, I expect him to do the same..this is how I build "my couple life's" trust overtime - two become one! though leaving him space is a must to me, as much as I need space for myself.
One last point: Hats off to men who apply the extra effort of protecting their information. I have spoken to many men who have added passwords and coded their contact information for the sole purpose of protecting it from women they are dating. I recommend this for everyone!